| Jungmin: | are you looking for approval from people around you? |
|---|---|
| me: | i think i always have been. i find it harder and harder to socialize lately. im not comfortable in big settings and its difficult to engage in small talk. i dont want to open up to people anymore. and sometimes i could care less about their lives now. |
| Jungmin: | 당연하지. 힘들지. |
| me: | and so.. when something emotionally big like this happens i feel like.. i just didnt try enough hard enough to have friends. and its really a big failure point to me. |
| Jungmin: | 유니 너 자신이 너무나 훌륭하고 아름다운 사람인데 |
| 다른 사람들과의 relationship을 통해서 널 identify 할 필요없어 | |
| 12: | 22 AM |
| 주위에 있는 사람을 다 빼고 너만 바라봐바. | |
| 넌 충분히 사랑받고 사랑할 자격이 있는 여자야. | |
| 더 중요한건 하나님이 정말 아끼고 사랑하는 딸이고. | |
| 12: | 24 AM |
| 그리고... 너한텐 고등학교때부터 친했던 우리가 있잖아. | |
| 물론 당연히 예전처럼 많은걸 나눌수는 없지만 | |
| 12: | 25 AM |
| 항상 보면서 수다떨고 시간 보낼수 없지만 | |
| 그래도 지금 여기까지 이렇게 연락하면서 같이 온게 얼마나 감사한일이야. | |
| 12: | 26 AM |
| 내가 봤을땐 너가 너 자신을 먼저 용서해야해. | |
| 너가 아직 용서하지 않아서 힘든거야. | |
| 12: | 27 AM |
| 지금 하나님이 아주 많이 가슴 아파 하실꺼야 유니야. | |
| 지금 너가 아픈거 다 느끼시고 계실꺼야. | |
| 그리고 당신 딸이 그렇게 아파하고... 상처받고... | |
| 12: | 28 AM |
| 그 모든 failure 을 다 cover 하기 위해서 예수님 우리한테 보내주신걸 기억하라고 | |
| 너한테 지금 계속 메세지 보내고 계실꺼야. | |
| I'm not one to put up conversations like this publicly, but I felt it was too good to just keep privately. I struggle daily with my own insecurities and no matter how boldly I shout out my love for the Lord, the devil also knows me best. Knows what I value most and will continue to hover sin and feelings of guilt, greed, etc over me like what a carrot on a stick is to a horse. And so, even when you're looking forward, you care about things that you left behind and always look back. | |
| And because the road behind you is the road traveled, you already know everything and we always seek to go back to what is most comfortable. Even though the road itself was difficult and twisted, you still know where everything is. And this is where the difference lies - we look backward because as humans we are only capable of seeing what we've done so far. What we'e felt so far. What we've seen so far. Only God knows what's ahead and even though as we seek Him, we only know that God has prepared the most wonderful gifts for us, we cannot even begin to understand what it might be. So the road of uncertainty must be paved with faith. Otherwise, we stray and end up failing. | |
| Like I tend to always do. | |
| I am so mentally exhausted from a lot of things. But when I receive such encouragement, how can I hide this for just myself? | |
| Thank you God for reminding me that You are ever present in my life. That my identity lies not in what I cherish most on this earth, but that it is sourced within You and what You have done for me. That this is the greatest relationship that I may ever seek. | |
| And thank you for my best friend. You continually surprise me how You work her into my life. |
